the hardest thing I had to do…

26116358_10155442079427734_8928227768374140566_o… I did it on the 1st of the month of January 2018: I let my boyfriend of almost three years go back alone to the city we had chosen to be the place where we wanted to live in together. Mumbai had been a wake-up call for me until that day. A very hard, slap-in-the-face wake-up call, but one I could not ignore anymore. Something in my life needed change and the change had to come from within and I was not able to listen to that within in the chaos of that city where 23 million people live in the myst of honking, shouting and strive to survive. I took a step back and came back to my home town of Rome, Italy. I took refuge where I knew I could not but find peace of  mind and soul. I had been debating for years to come back home, to retrieve to my roots to where it all began, and I finally did it. I had to put on hold the life with the partner I have chosen to be my rock, my companion and my friend, to come search for my crazy, little self in a city I thought I knew, but barely felt as mine anymore.

I know the answers are here already. I know I have them. I just chose not to listen to them over and over again, until now, when it became blatantly obvious I had not more choice: The spoke to loudly to be ignored anymore.

I know now, the light in the end of this hard tunnel I chose to embark in, exists. I know it does, because I see it, it is just up to me to keep seeing it daily and reminding myself I am not alone and I am not walking this path for no reasons whatsoever, but I am re-directioning my energy in the right way toward something I feel very strongly I must answer for myself and for the person I have next to me. Only once I will find peace with it, I will be able to embark in a tandem-life in full-force. I do not regret anything, I do not feel like a loss has been created, but I actually strongly believe in the process of self-discovery and liberation I am feeling right now. Love oneself is a must to be able to love the other with all you got.

I will let nobody and nothing stop me in this discovery and 2018 is the year I decided to take charge of my fears and face them straight in the eyes for once and for all. Bring it on!

 

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