When you are orthodox or religious, your parents do not speak to you about love. Let alone speak to you about sex. They may share some intimate moments, but they always keep the secret from you growing-up so you may never know until you are 17 how kids are born and what “making love” really is. You have very little knowledge of “relationship,” but you grow-up wanting to know more every day. They say they protect you and not telling you anything about love so that, one day, you will be able to find out on your own from its very essence. But girls my age or younger are curious, they want to fall in love, they wait and wait and question each other without anybody older who can give them the answers. This is why there is a Rebbenit and a Midrasha` or a teacher and a place where women can meet-up learn Torah together and speak freely among other women.
She listens carefully to your problems or questions, she explains from the Torah or from personal experience. She is a woman herself and she can tell what your mother may be scared to share. She goes into details and she cherish you as your own child because you ultimately are and will be a “Bat Melech” like herself so she wants to make sure you grow-up to be the best version of it possible.
Sunday night I was there too and, believe it or not, despite my poor/inexistent Hebrew, she spoke to my heart reminding me to remind myself to choose wisely in terms of love, because not everyone around is really worthy of our “private attentions.”
Now, if only following a Rabbanit’s piece of advice was all that simple…it may be for religious women more because they have not been exposed to the “real world” as much, but for a “free spirit” like myself who has seen more than enough, a simple “control yourself” and stay away from men and sex until you find “your kathan” just does not do it.
Pushing something away from you that is hard to handle is not the right solution. Dealing with it is finding it in front of your face, analyze it and then, learn how to stay away. But it all has to be a choice, not a deprivation. An act of reason and not an act of punishment. This way we act upon knowing what is good or bad for us and we will never regret it because we made that choice with all of ourselves and nobody else.